The MAN pays.

[Zx30]

The MAN pays. Somehow this pisses me off but I still follow it. What's the deal?

Here is what I'm trying to say. When a man and a woman go out together, the man is sometimes expected to pay am right? I only say sometimes because there are women out there who respect a man and try to equal things out. But when have you ever heard a women to be expected to pay for a man?

Why is it this way?

-Is it because society has made it seem this way? That the MAN should be able to support for a woman?(Because I know damn well that if a man ever talks about this, the man will most likely look like an asshole to women and some other men am I correct?)
-Is it because woman feel they need to feel supported by a man?

Why why why?!

Because if we think about it, women in the past have fought for EQUAL rights. Correct?
So when it comes to this, I've always experienced a sort of inequality to it.

Me personally, I always come in expecting to pay. I always have enough money on me, but I never have the thought that the woman is going to suggest help pay for our date (which I have no problem with by the way). I've only had one date that surprised me and said if she could handle the pay at a movie theater. Why I'm not sure, but after I asked "Are you sure?", she looked positively thrilled about it. I still bought the drinks, snacks, and other stuff inside so it pretty much evened out. And you know what, It felt damn good to feel appreciated for once.

So what's your input?
What do you think on this topic?
What do you do in this situation?(For both men and women)
Does it always end up men paying for you?
Do you feel it is a REQUIREMENT for the man to pay most of the times/always?
How do you feel about society being this way?

Discuss.

 

[Slasher]

Think of the typical nuclear family.

A husband, a wife, and two children.

The man worked all day earning the families income, while the wife stayed home all day taking care of the children, cleaning the house, and preparing food for when the man was to return home.

This was typically what every family was expected to be 50-some-odd years ago. While this still even exists sometimes today, it is currently in the middle of a transition due to newfound female rights allowing females to now do basically whatever they want. Now that females are more equal to males than they were in the past, this model no longer always works. They demand to get an equal job with equal pay, they don't want to clean the house solo, and they no longer want to fulfill what was once expected of them years ago. Most families nowadays are egalitarian mannered for exactly this reason. Meaning, both the man and woman splits up the duties. They now each equally do what they want.

While female rights have certainly increased, the sometimes old expectations of males back during this nuclear family era for the most part haven't changed. Most males are still expected to get a decent job to support their family, they are still associated with being a gentleman, they still are usually expected to pay for things rather than the female. That's just how it is for the most part.

I for one know that if my GF and I go out for dinner or go to see a movie I feel very awkward when not paying. If she ever pays for things, then I feel like the cashier whose watching me stand there not paying must be thinking I'm such an ass for making her pay. I pretty much paid for everything in the first year and a half of our relationship, but now that I'm in school I'm letting her pay for things because I can no longer afford it lol.

 

[Zx30]

Spoiler: Quote

Think of the typical nuclear family.

A husband, a wife, and two children.

The man worked all day earning the families income, while the wife stayed home all day taking care of the children, cleaning the house, and preparing food for when the man was to return home.

This was typically what every family was expected to be 50-some-odd years ago. While this still even exists sometimes today, it is currently in the middle of a transition due to newfound female rights allowing females to now do basically whatever they want. Now that females are more equal to males than they were in the past, this model no longer always works. They demand to get an equal job with equal pay, they don't want to clean the house solo, and they no longer want to fulfill what was once expected of them years ago. Most families nowadays are egalitarian mannered for exactly this reason. Meaning, both the man and woman splits up the duties. They now each equally do what they want.

While female rights have certainly increased, the sometimes old expectations of males back during this nuclear family era for the most part haven't changed. Most males are still expected to get a decent job to support their family, they are still associated with being a gentleman, they still are usually expected to pay for things rather than the female. That's just how it is for the most part.

I for one know that if my GF and I go out for dinner or go to see a movie I feel very awkward when not paying. If she ever pays for things, then I feel like the cashier whose watching me stand there not paying must be thinking I'm such an ass for making her pay. I pretty much paid for everything in the first year and a half of our relationship, but now that I'm in school I'm letting her pay for things because I can no longer afford it lol.

Very nice. That does sound about right. And you're also right that it's starting to be equal work with women and men in the house hold.(From what I've seen) But of course I still see families that follow the old routine.(both new and old generations)

If she ever pays for things, then I feel like the cashier whose watching me stand there not paying must be thinking I'm such an ass for making her pay

Do you feel this way because that is how you think people still think now a days?


Also....
How did you feel on paying for her?
In the first year and a half, did it feel like a requirement for you? What do you think would have happen if you were to have questioned it?(Or did you already?)
Does it make you feel better to pay?(For example, do you feel like a MAN?")

 

[Slasher]

Very nice. That does sound about right. And you're also right that it's starting to be equal work with women and men in the house hold.(From what I've seen) But of course I still see families that follow the old routine.(both new and old generations)

Do you feel this way because that is how you think people still think now a days?


Also....
How did you feel on paying for her?
In the first year and a half, did it feel like a requirement for you? What do you think would have happen if you were to have questioned it?(Or did you already?)
Does it make you feel better to pay?(For example, do you feel like a MAN?")

I'm not really sure why I think the cashier would be thinking that. I'm just naturally a gentleman when it comes to girls. It probably has a lot to do with how I was raised and how my own family was. My family was just that - a nuclear family. My dad worked, my mom didn't, two children (my brother and I). Kind of funny though that my mom can't cook at all lol. She does for the most part do a lot of the cleaning though.

I felt like it was sort of a requirement of me to pay for nights out. It felt 'gentleman-like', so I did it. My GF would always offer to pay, but I would always insist that it was alright and I would take care of it.

It definitely didn't feel like an absolute requirement for me though, but I was adamant on paying for certain things just because.

When I pay I guess it does in a sense make me feel 'better'. It makes me feel like I'm providing for her? I'm not really sure. It's so embedded in my values that it just seems sort of natural to lift any weights off her shoulder that I possibly can.

 

[twelve]

I'm not very good at these smart talk things so don't expect this to be as in depth as most of the posts in here.

With me and Tsunaii I tend to pay but not because I'm expected to. I earn a stupid amount more per month than she does and so I pay for most things. She hates that I do this so I guess I have one of those rare girlfriends that would like to pay, and she does when I let her.

That said I don't buy all her shopping. When we go to the supermarket we share a trolley, fill it up with both our stuff but when we get to the checkout we split our stuff out and pay separately. If she only has a few items then sometimes I'll buy them and she can pay me back.

 

[Zx30]

To Slasher: I see I see..My family is the same. My dad works everything long shifts and my mom holds a part time job for extra money, but still cleans and cooks for my dad.

It definitely didn't feel like an absolute requirement for me though, but I was adamant on paying for certain things just because.

Ah...That's interesting. With my EX it pretty much felt like a requirement though. Now that I think about it, she was still in the old nuclear family routine. I don't remember a time she offered to pay.

It's so embedded in my values that it just seems sort of natural to lift any weights off her shoulder that I possibly can.

I feel the same damn way. Just wish it was different with most girls sometimes..

I earn a stupid amount more per month than she does and so I pay for most things.

So how would you feel if your woman earned a stupid amount of money and you have a crappy job and she payed for the things instead.
Would it feel different? or strange? Would you feel unmanly?

 

[twelve]

So how would you feel if your woman earned a stupid amount of money and you have a crappy job and she payed for the things instead.
Would it feel different? or strange? Would you feel unmanly?

Well I'm pretty metrosexual and open minded so feeling manly isn't a huge concern to me. The only time I need/want to feel manly is in the bedroom.

Money is money, doesn't matter who has it or who spends it. I'm quite happy for her to spend money on me just as I am to spend money on her. If she wants to reverse the role I'll gladly give her the money and she can pull it out her purse to pay for me. It doesn't really matter to me.

 

[Zx30]

Ah. Good stuff twelve. Thank you for sharing!

 

[ChurchedAtheist]

I think the only reason 'the man pays' hasn't been decried as sexist, is because women get something out of it. keep the traditions that are nice, but screw the ones that limit rights.

 

[eighty4]

I think the only reason 'the man pays' hasn't been decried as sexist, is because women get something out of it. keep the traditions that are nice, but screw the ones that limit rights.

You pay and she makes you sandwiches. What's the problem?

 

[Craig Fairfax]

You pay and she makes you sandwiches. What's the problem?

Maybe the sandwich is nasty.

 

[ChurchedAtheist]

You pay and she makes you sandwiches. What's the problem?

'make me a sammich' = sexist, but 'you're the man, you are supposed to pay' is tradition.

i pay AND i don't get a sammich.

 

[Adiuvo]

'make me a sammich' = sexist, but 'you're the man, you are supposed to pay' is tradition.

i pay AND i don't get a sammich.

I think of along those lines as well. Back when women had little to no rights, the man taking care of the women was expected, and morally correct. Now, when woman can do whatever they want, the old ideas are outdated. Men are still expected to do everything for the woman, even when the woman can easily do more, they just decide not to.

In my view, if a woman fills all of the roles of a 'lady,' IE, not working, being respectful, etc., she deserves to have everything thought to be typically provided. But, if a woman works and has a good job, goes clubbing every week, and isn't respectful, she doesn't deserve it.

 

[ChurchedAtheist]

In my view, if a woman fills all of the roles of a 'lady,' IE, not working, being respectful, etc., she deserves to have everything thought to be typically provided. But, if a woman works and has a good job, goes clubbing every week, and isn't respectful, she doesn't deserve it.

I simplify it even more: if she has $ coming in, she can pay once in a while.